Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
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