you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
