he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
