I'm laying in your front yard are you home
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
