Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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