Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
then he tried to convert me to islam
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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