he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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