Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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