Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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