Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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