Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
