I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
