More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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