Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
