oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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