I bet he comes in French.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
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