Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
