i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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