What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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