No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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