does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
