This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
