He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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