1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
