im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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