Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
