I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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