I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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