We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
