On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
