anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
