Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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