I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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