My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
