My friends, they love my intelligence
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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