she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
