I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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