If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
