I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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