I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
