I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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