quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
