Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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