puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
