I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
