I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
