Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
This baby is an asshole
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
