A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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