Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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