when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
