Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
