i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
