you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
