Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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